_______ If not, why & when? TANIYA THOMAS I.MSC.PSY. Do plan on having children? Although not necessarily a biblical requirement for marriage, it can be inferred and is very important. Date. This approach can also completely stump the couple! Just like your car needs a qualified mechanic, a productive counseling session is only as good as the counselor leading it. Premarital counseling can help ensure that you and your partner have a strong, healthy relationship — giving you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage. 5. Listed below is a sample questionnaire. As each one does its part, the body grows in love.” In context, these verses are talking about the maturity and unity of the body of Christ. Splitting up will provide an opportunity for private conversation which otherwise would be awkward in a “group” setting. Don’t simply write the answers you think we expect. Our offices are conveniently located just off of i75 at the big beaver exit. A typical session involves therapists asking couples to do a variety of activities and exercises. L. Have either of you been “in love” before? (This would be a good time to introduce the value of reading through the Bible in a year.). you handle them? F. To clarify that no announcements should be sent out until approval by the counseling couple is given and communicated to the Officiant and church Office. How do you want your spiritual relationship to improve? ______________________________________________________________________________ These verses precede Ephesians 5 which talks about, among other things, the proper relationship between husbands and wives. Christ is of course first, but no other decision will have as great an impact on one’s life as marriage. individual use only. Even if they have, there still may be unanswered questions. How many times? Most pastors prefer more than one session to allow the counseling process to work as well as to allow the couples to ask additional questions. What do you expect to receive from marriage that you cannot have staying ________________________________________________________________________________________. Marriage is permanent! B. ________ If yes, how many? How is a Christian service and marriage different from other marriages? How do you know you “love” your fiancé? Have you been involved in pornography in the past or are you at present? The name is derived from John 2 :1–12, the wedding feast at Cana in Galilee , where Jesus performed the miracle of turning water into wine . 1. What is the command and warning of I Peter 3:7? _____/_____/_____, Signature of future This can also be printed from this site for your convenience. These meetings work best when everyone comes prepared. In this first meeting you will cover chapters one and two of “Preparing for Your Marriage.” If the couple has already set a wedding date, this meeting should take place approximately five months before the wedding day. What plans do you have to keep your marriage fresh and The Engaged Couple will soon be contacted by their Pre-Marriage Mentor to schedule Meeting One. If your marriage is having problems, do not wait too long to seek professional help. husband                                                       Have them consider the following Bible texts dealing with vows: Numbers 30:2; Deuteronomy 23:21-23; Judges 11:29-40; Psalms 15:4; 76:11; Proverbs 20:25; Ecclesiastes 5:4-5. ________, What are their ages? For you to get to know the couple and to make them feel comfortable and at ease with you, your spouse, and with the counseling process. There is no reason to hurry into marriage or rush the counseling process because of a date on the calendar! Lack of parental approval is a huge red flag! Date We knew this was the case, and I was actually pretty excited about it. You may be doing the couple a great service by giving them more time. is understood that entering into pre-marital counseling is NOT an agreement of approval to be married by this pastor or anyone else at this church. Marriage is one of the most important commitments a person can make. Premarital inventories are commonly used to help with the counseling process. Tell the couple you will check with them at each meeting on how they are doing on their commitment. Remember This meeting will cover chapters 12-17 in “Preparing for Your Marriage.” It is the most challenging and interesting meeting you will have. Assessment Process: An assessment is made at this time of your readiness for sacramental marriage, and necessary documents are gathered. 17. B. The decision to follow What is it about your mate that attracted you? How do you feel you are accepted by your fiance’s family? Keep your sessions completely private. Some will be engaged for the first time; others may have been married before. It The purpose being to help them formulate goals for their marriage. Write a definition of “Love”. Either way, pre-marriage counseling is a worthwhile endeavor for all. The church desires and expects parental approval. Once needs are evaluated, the couple and pastor will go over the basics of marriage. ________________________________________________________________________________________, How long have you known each other? time, at our discretion. when? This is a way to help promote a successful union and is a very wise idea considering the high divorce rate that still exists. pre-marriage coordinator contacts couple, and lets them know pre-marriage counselors will be in touch. Chapter 22 of “Preparing for Your Marriage” has an interesting assignment about setting goals which you will want to spend some time talking about. 10. A submissive wife as defined by Scripture. B. Pre-marital inventory , usually the Foccus Inventory , done at the parish with follow-up sessions, or the Prepare and Enrich … These can include: Most pastors will not consider pre-marital counseling if the bride and groom are not Having gone through the book with your spouse, you should be familiar with each chapter. A. Personalized Pre-Marriage Counseling Tailored to Your Relationship. The Pre-Engagement Counseling Program, with personality testing will lead you through discussion on the following topics: Personality Analysis (Personal and Couple) Expectations Communication Styles Resolving Conflict Handling Finances Working Together Religion and Religious Practice Families of Origin Life Goals … and more! That is why pre-marriage counseling must be tailored to suit each couple. A marriage involves two unique personalities coming together to form a family. In this meeting, you will give the couple the opportunity to ask any unanswered questions they may have. _______, If yes, please describe them. You need to find a good counselor. The tests of love from I Corinthians 13:4-7. The course comprises three sessions with a counsellor, and is designed to draw out shared values, ideals, expectations and any issues that may need attention or be kept in mind. Biblical pre-marriage counseling begins by evaluating the engaged couple in order to tailor counseling to their specific needs. At this first meeting a schedule for the mentoring process is determined. If by the end of the third meeting you are not ready to give your approval, by all means wait until you are. single? Should the husband or wife try to impose their personal convictions on their mate? A. There C. To discern problem areas which might disqualify the couple for marriage, and determine if the couple meets the qualifications for marriage. Put these verses in context with chapters one and three. B. Since you are postponing this requirement to the next meeting, this won’t be completed. marriage will remain successful? It was mentioned earlier that it would be preferable for the couple to come unprepared for this meeting. We do not claim to be “Professional” Counselors. 4. Children may or may not be involved. Bill McRae makes a great suggestion in his book regarding Proverbs. C. Add the study of I Thessalonians 4: 1-8 to the homework assignment. 1. office directs all wedding and pre-marriage counseling calls to pre-marriage coordinator. Where? Keep in mind Ephesians 4:14-16: “So we are no longer to be children, tossed back and forth by waves and carried about by every wind of teaching by the trickery of people who craftily carry out their deceitful schemes. What follows is a guide for counselors to take a couple contemplating marriage, or engaged to be married, through a basic process of discovery. How is the wife to be a helper to her husband? Don't chat with bridesmaids, your mother, or anyone else about the things you've discussed, and don't even think about posting anything on Facebook that could embarrass your partner. Yes, you might be jumping into some hot water here, but this is one of the hard parts of being a Pre-Marriage Counselor. If there is differences, how will starts, it is suggested that each couple fill out a questionnaire. Proverbs is 31 chapters long. _________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________                     _____/_____/_____ Are they confident about the other’s conversion, and is it true faith so far as they can tell? You are encouraged to not shy away from the truth of Scripture, particularly as it relates to husbands and wives. 4. Each emphasized the importance of counseling at all stages of marriage. Many in our body have witnessed first hand the tragic result of pornography and sexual abuse on individuals and married couples. There will be many passages studied in chapter 16 of “Preparing for Your Marriage.” The project pages of this chapter will play a key role. Let the discussion proceed from there. She is an accredited member of Kenya Counseling and Psychological Association (KCPA) as an associate Supervisor. That’s hard to say. Copyright © 2020  Pastoral Care Inc. All Rights Reserved. Pre Marital counselling 1. Pre-marriage counseling is nothing to fear. Which are less evident? session. _____________________________________________________________________________. Third, does the couple have parental approval? Few things are more profitable than men and women committed to the study of God’s Word as it relates to marriage, particularly in today’s society. The basics of marriage. K. Have either of you been married before? Using this book as a resource helps facilitate an orderly approach to gleaning from God’s Word topics related to marriage. To the best of your knowledge, what is a Christian marriage? Information about what happens in pre marriage counselling. Recent study conducted by Research scholars from George Masson University clearly shows the benefit of pre-marital counseling. _________________________________________________________________________________________. Other variables that impact the amount of time marriage counseling takes to work can include: 1. You, on the other hand, will have prepared and have a mental outline of what you would like to accomplish. Premarital counseling is a form a therapy that occurs before marriage. So, what ever the situation is, alwaysinvolve yourself in the counseling process. ________________________________________________________________________________________, If divorced, why was your previous marriage terminated? alive? What they believe Scripture teaches about it, etc. Simply reschedule the meeting as quickly as possible so as not to throw off the rest of the schedule. N. Describe both the strengths and the weaknesses of your mate. bottom of this page. Encouraging maturity and speaking the truth in love are your responsibilities as part of the body of Christ, and in this case, as Pre-Marriage Counselor. Give some reasons why you want to marry your fiancé. C. A discernment of their maturity, both spiritually and emotionally. Encourage the couple to complete the assignments separately. The main Scripture references will come from Ephesians 5. C. How long have you been dating? Pre marriage counseling is a key to the everyday needs of a relationship. You may want to devote an entire meeting or more just to address this issue. Keep in mind that, even though you have given your approval, it doesn’t mean you can’t call off The church’s involvement in the wedding if circumstances warrant it. wife                                                             There is so much misinformation about this topic that many couples find the truth quiet a relief!, while others find it hard to accept. Although potentially very hurtful, it is better for the couple to address this issue now rather that after they are married. Have any expressed concerns? but both must present for the actual Pre-Marital counseling with the pastor. __________________________________, If so, why?____________________________________________________________________, 4. ________________________________________________________________________________________ From this approach, you might be able to glean the following. The decision to follow It will be wise to work through those passages of Scripture in Section 3, Recommended Preparation Prior to Counseling. The following questions need to be asked in this meeting. ________________________________________________________________________________________, If divorced, why was your previous marriage terminated? It’s a joy to spend time with an engaged couple just prior to their marriage. C. What are some of your personal convictions regarding tithing, Christian service or ministry, children, birth control, sexual activities/practices? Doing a Pre-Marriage course such as Prepare/Enrich can assist you in the development of those necessary skills. Some portions you may cover in a lecture format but most should be through discussion. Marriage is tough enough without being unequally-yoked. B. I. NOTE: We reserve the right to discontinue the counseling and planning process at any A marriage is a commitment between two people that may have differing views on certain issues. Are you formally engaged? So, make sure to take … B. For many couples, this will be unnecessary, but for others, it will be quite helpful. Pre-Marriage counseling is a process, and it’s better to get to the heart of the matter rather than to complete a checklist. What do you see as your mate’s role in the marriage? ___________________________________, Do you have children from a previous marriage? With no prior prompting, have the bride tell you the groom’s testimony of his faith! ________________________________________, If you are divorced, what is your custody arrangement? to websites, is prohibited unless written permission This meeting will cover chapters 18-21 of “Preparing for Your Marriage.” You’re on the home stretch! The second part of the meeting you will split up, men with men, women with women. C. Does the couple seem to have an interest in spiritual things? This insight will be very valuable as you prepare and conduct this session. If so, how many and This meeting is conducted differently than the other meetings. granted by Pastoral Care Inc. Changing Services from Traditional to Contemporary, Effective Communication To Deal With Change, Funeral, Wedding, Equipment Use Checklist, Use of Building Agreement with Outside Entities, 31 Days of Prayer for the Pastor, Church, & Others, What To Do When Someone Leaves Your Church, Pornography and Narcissistic Personalities, Ecclesiastical Guidelines for Ministers Affected by Pornography, Suggested Goals for a Successful Marriage. Many professionals (therapists, clergy, and family law attorneys) would agree that premarital counseling is highly recommended before marriage. This meeting usually takes about ten minutes and happens on a Sunday just prior or just after a service. You probably already know, but in case you don’t, inquire how the wedding ceremony plans are coming along. Thoughts and plans for emergency funds (if appliances or emergencies _________________________________________________________________________________________ Second, is the couple committed to a Christian marriage as defined in the Bible? Through this process, couples can have the privilege of getting to know one another in a new way. At this point, it should be noted that if you have not read the book and done the assignments with your spouse, by all means stop and do so now! It will be worth noting if the groom has taken steps of leadership in this area. All material is intended for, individual use only. During the time between the last meeting and this one, (approximately one month), have the couple read one chapter each day. Do you offer premarital counseling services near me? Creating a special time for dating. During your discussion about headship and submission would be a good time to discuss personal convictions. After the engaged couple completes Prepare, they are ready to begin pre-marital counseling. All Rights Reserved. Have the couple turn to and read Ephesians 5:3, I Thessalonians 4:1-8 and Hebrews 13:4. Only in this way will you be able to know what additional resources you will want to incorporate into your meetings. Pre-Cana is a course or consultation for couples preparing to be married in a Catholic church. The third part of the meeting you will all get back together. To be specific, you need to find out if the couple is involved physically and to what extent. Simply make yourself available to talk with them about issues like birth control, the wedding night, sex after marriage, etc. Learning style: A big variable is how engaged a couple is with the process. Full article can be viewed and printed with Word or PDF formats at the links located at the How long ago was the last time? Be respectful of the couple in terms of plans that they still need to make and your impact on those plans. The primary source to help you in organizing your meetings will be William J. McRae’s book “Preparing for Your Marriage.” You, your spouse, and the couple you are counseling, should have a copy of this book. Tell the groom you are expecting leadership from him in this area and that it is now time to start demonstrating it! Ask the couple for their view about divorce. It will also be important to emphasize the necessity, after they are married, of praying and being in God’s Word on a daily basis. D. How well do they really know each other? Performance of marriage ceremonies is an accommodation to the body, NOT an obligation. A. Biblical headship and leadership. How to Handle Conflict and Solving Problems, Priorities on Career, Children, Money, Hobbies, Future Plans, Friends, If you are divorced, what is your custody arrangement? bottom of this page. Consult with other Pre-Marriage Counselors who may have experienced this situation, and certainly seek the counsel of the Elders and Deacons of the church. Then ask them where they stand in relation to these verses. How do you know you “love” your fiancé? If they are involved physically, communicate clearly the expectation that from here on to the wedding, they must commit to refraining from physical intimacy. 18. This meeting will cover chapters 22 – 26 of “Preparing for Your Marriage.” Schedule this meeting as close to the wedding date as possible, preferably within three weeks. The emphasis should always be on the truth of Scripture. What do you expect to receive from marriage that you cannot have staying After being reviewed, an appointment will be made to meet with a pastor, at this time we will determine whether or not to begin the pre-marriage counseling. 19. Ask the couple if they have found a church home, if they have been attending on a regular basis and if they plan to continue. Pre-Marriage Counseling And Wedding Process. there is often a fear that a counsellor or psychologist will not provide a balanced and equal service to each person in the relationship, or a concern that they might ‘take sides’. Have you listened to cassette tapes on Christian marriage? Be sure you thoroughly understand our position, before signing below: I acknowledge that I have read and understand the above, and that all of the information Pre-Marital Questionnaire This questionnaire should be filled out completely and turned in to the church office. How do other members of your family feel about your fiance? For most couples, this will be their first in-depth study of what it means to be a Godly husband and a Godly wife. By now you will have developed a relationship with the couple and learned about them in terms of personality, spiritual and emotional maturity, etc. Marriage counseling (also called couples therapy) can be very effective, especially … How will you handle conflict or disagreements? After the questionnaire has been submitted, an appointment will be made with the pastor. This questionnaire should be filled out completely and turned in to the church office. If you are reluctant to give your approval, you need to communicate that to the couple. How is the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the Church? The process can go one of two ways: first, it can expose a relationship that was never meant to be. _______, Have you attended any marriage classes? A thorough study of Genesis 2:18-24. Have the couple read I Corinthians 8-10 and Romans 14. _____________________________________________________. 2013.19 2. The Full Pre Marriage Counselling Course: Includes our comprehensive Pre Marriage Counselling Questionnaire that both of you complete + 2 x 50 minute counselling sessions with a relationship psychologist to discuss any issues or areas for improvement that may arise. Keep in mind also that each couple to be counseled will have different levels of spiritual maturity and needs. There are several variables that need to be discussed in the Pre-Marital Counseling Any other use, such as distribution, promoting one's ministry or adding. One of the issues that often causes anxiety for couples attending counselling is the potential for therapist bias, i.e. Fourth, and somewhat uncomfortable to discuss, is sexual purity. If you try to cover every question from each chapter in discussion format, you will never finish a meeting! Take some time and find out the reason. the counselor helps each partner examine the relationship in a more objective manner and assists the couple in learning how to perceive their interactions in a positive light husband                                                       By the end of this meeting, you will probably have enough information to determine if you will give your final approval for the marriage. ______________________________________________________________________________, If so, please list them. Most pastors prefer more than one session to allow the counseling process to work as well as to allow the couples to ask additional questions. You’ll learn tested and proven conflict resolution strategies, but they will be customized for you specifically. If the couple is not committed in this way, it will be impossible, for example, for the husband to obey the command of Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” How can a husband love his wife as Christ also loved the church if he is not committed to the principals of biblical headship? Find out if they have selected their wedding vows and if you could read them. You might ask, “How do you bring up the subject of sexual purity tactfully?” The best way to start is to look at God’s Word on the subject. Please answer the following questions as completely yet as briefly as possible. ________________________________________________________________________________________ It is preferable that the couple NOT prepare ahead of time for this first meeting; I’ll explain why in a moment. How do your friends and family (including children) feel about your engagement? Then consider asking the following questions. single? begin counseling), What brought you together? Full article can be viewed and printed with Word or PDF formats at the links located at the Premarital counseling is a type of therapy that helps couples prepare for marriage. One of the first steps in marriage counseling is finding the right counselor. 12. In particular, the husband must especially be sensitive to his wife’s convictions. 20. filled in is true and correct to the best of my knowledge. cards? ________________________________________________________________________________________ If they do not come prepared, you may be getting an indication as to how serious they are about Pre-Marriage Counseling. Granting approval without parental consent should be an extreme exception. E. When do you plan to get married? 11. ________________________________________________________________________________________, 2. J. In other words, do they know how the other came to faith and can they tell the story? From him the whole body grows, fitted and held together through every supporting ligament. The church’s Pre-Marriage Counseling and/or Wedding Process, states that after the first meeting you and the Wedding Officiant are to decide if the couple qualifies to continue. The couple should come to this meeting prepared to cover these chapters. The outline for the men should include the following. Although there is a lot to do in this first meeting, there are four things that must take priority. Tell the couple that this final approval will not be given until after the third meeting. Remember, you will want to hear what God is teaching them through their study. What if a husband disagrees with his wife’s convictions? More and more couples are going to pre-marital counseling and pre-engagement counseling before their wedding day to prepare for marriage. _________________________________________________________________________________________ The number of sessions varies according to each couple's needs. (If you, as the counselor, are unclear what Scripture say about divorce, take some time and think about the following passages: Leviticus 21:7,14, Deuteronomy 22:19, 24:1-3, Jeremiah 3:1,8, Ezekiel 44:22; Malachi 2:16, Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-12; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18, Romans 7:1-3.). In this point counseling is needed badly to keep the marriage together.Counseling is a very useful tool in seeking the most reasons to keep the marriage. Verses from Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 should be emphasized. In order to better serve and provide information for pastors before the actually counseling Thoroughly review the Book of Proverbs and encourage the couple to heed the counsel found there. At minimum, you should ask the couple to come to the next meeting with a complete budget, which will be reviewed and discussed. Signature of future ________________________________________________________________________________________ _____________, Briefly describe what it means to be Born Again: Are some of your knowledge, what guarantee will you handle them professionals over the basics of marriage ceremonies an... Be sensitive to his wife as Christ loved the church library pre marriage counseling process,! That was never meant to be discussed in the development of those skills! Person should not seek to override those convictions in the Bible be contacted by their pre-marriage Mentor to meeting. Will figure prominently in this meeting prominently in this meeting way to help you prepare marriage! To introduce the value of reading through the book with your spouse simply facilitate discovery! 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